Peace on Earth Starts at the Table: Navigating Conflict During the Holidays

The holidays are supposed to be a time of joy, connection, and celebration. But for many families, workplaces, and communities, this season can also bring up stress, strained relationships, and unresolved tension. Whether it’s a long-standing family disagreement, tension between divorced parents, a heated political conversation at dinner, or scheduling conflicts over holiday plans, the holidays can highlight both the warmth—and the fragility—of our relationships.

So how can we navigate conflict with more clarity and care this time of year?

1. Start with Realistic Expectations

One of the biggest sources of disappointment is assuming the holidays will magically transform our relationships. We may expect people to “just get along,” avoid old triggers, or behave differently—without discussing any of the issues that caused stress in the first place.

Realistic expectations are a gift to everyone. If your family always argues over dinner plans, don’t be surprised if it happens again. Instead, name it early and see if there’s a different way to approach it this year.

2. Understand What’s Underneath the Conflict

Most holiday disagreements aren’t really about what we’re fighting about. The real issues often involve deeper interests—feeling heard, being respected, protecting traditions, or finding a sense of belonging.

Using a conflict resolution lens, we might ask:

  • What’s really important to each person here?

  • What are they worried about losing?

  • What might help them feel valued?

When we shift from arguing about positions (“We’re doing Christmas Eve at my house!”) to talking about interests (“I feel left out when I’m not included in planning”), resolution becomes more possible.

3. Plan Ahead with Clear Communication

Don’t wait until emotions are high to talk about difficult topics. Reach out early—before people arrive for holiday celebrations. Planning ahead reduces stress, and it shows that you care about creating a smoother experience for everyone.

A few ideas:

  • Offer options instead of ultimatums.

  • Ask what matters most to each person about the holiday.

  • Confirm expectations in writing for clarity (especially in co-parenting settings).

4. Use the “Light Touch” When the Moment Isn’t Right

Not every conflict needs to be addressed immediately or head-on—especially during emotionally charged moments. Sometimes, the best move is to de-escalate gently and return to the issue at a better time.

If a difficult topic surfaces at the dinner table, in a group text, or during a gift exchange, consider using a calm and caring redirection. A light touch can preserve dignity and prevent escalation.

You might say:

  • “Let’s save this for another time.”

  • “I can tell this matters to you—can we talk about it after dinner?”

  • “Let’s take a walk. I think we both need a breather.”

Simple strategies like redirection, humor, or taking a short break can give people the emotional space they need to return to the conversation more constructively later. In mediation, we call this managing process timing—and it’s just as useful at home as in the mediation setting.

5. Practice Good Decision-Making

In both family and legal conflicts, the holidays can pressure people into making fast decisions to keep the peace. It’s okay to pause. Good decision-making means understanding your options, assessing the consequences, and making choices based on your interests—not guilt or urgency.

If you’re co-parenting or handling a legal dispute during the holidays, take a moment to evaluate not just likely legal outcomes, but also the emotional, relational, and reputational impacts of any decision. This can help people make more confident, lasting choices during a difficult season.

6. Be Kind to Yourself

Not every conflict can be resolved over Thanksgiving dinner. If you’re carrying grief, frustration, or anxiety into the season, know you’re not alone. Many people are struggling with complicated dynamics, and it’s okay to prioritize your own boundaries and well-being.

Sometimes the best resolution is giving yourself the grace to step back, reset expectations, or limit contact with people who cause harm.

Final Thoughts
Conflict during the holidays doesn’t make you a failure—it makes you human. But with a little planning, some curiosity about others’ deeper needs, and a commitment to respectful conversation, you can transform tense moments into opportunities for understanding.

Peace on earth might feel out of reach—but peace at the dinner table? That might just be possible.